Mathias Vef
Second Year

Microbiomic Baptism

The Microbiom is the non-homo-sapient part of a human being. Billions of microbes, bacteria and monades live on and in us.
They are us, physically and mentally. This part of us takes influence on how we look, how we think and how we feel, maybe even how and with whom we fall love. If this part of us changes we as a whole change. Sometimes the modification of one little part, can cause major changes to the whole system.  
This extremely complex system is the heritage of our mother. The Microbiom of a newborn went onto the baby when it found its way through the birth channel – sweat, fecies and the vaginal flora created it. So it is a family heritage given on from generation to generation.  
But this heritage is disturbed through antibiotics, antibacterials or aseptics or c-sections. 
But that cruel time of ignoring nature is over. Thank God, today we can save our children's physical and mental health and their Social future. It lies in our community's and family's hands!  
Like this family.
This Baptism stresses me.
The C-section is scheduled in two hours and Wanda is still arguing about the stupid decorations and the cakes. I wish Elena hadn’t had picked her to be Godmother. I love my wife, but I have this aversion against my wife’s twin sister. She takes that whole microbiomic thing so seriously. She goes to her Laboratory advisor every Sunday. She even told us to stop drinking orange juice, because it comes from Spain and the Bacteria in it puts us in an “unhealthy desperate stage”…  I drank so much OJ, but unfortunately it didn’t change any stage.

Well, my friend Vlad is the perfect counterpart as Godfather for her. He does’t care that much about these things. He told her that story when he put biomic shampoo for girls in mine and then he was waiting that all the guys would go mad for me.

Wanda is arguing about uncle Arkady’s Intestinal-Cake. It has the wrong sugar, the wrong bacteria Lactobacyllus rhamnosifi whatever-lus. She says our boy will be too easy-going, too extravagant, she even said he could be a poof!
Uncle Arkady gets angry and his new blond wife too. He told Wanda that her self made sweat flowers are neutralizing her own Mom’s Vaginal Necklace. Wanda gets pale white. If she doesn’t get her dead mother’s stuff on him, she will freak out.
I can already hear her saying: “he’s not our skin, not our gut, just our blood!”

Seeing Wanda and Uncle Arkady I think I would be happy if that both their shitty microbioms gets neutralized and our baby will get around them.

Wanda is yelling now that she will re-collect her sweat and re-check the biom and re-infect the flowers. she runs out of the room to get the new sterile flowers. Arkady is laughing with his wife. I still think there is something fishy with their marriage. They got their engagement checked in back in Russia proofed from some luminary microbiomic professor, but Arkady gained 20 pounds since they are together and I’m sure that this things he had in his face when I saw him last time were love-zits scars. This blond girl did not only twist his mind but also his bacteria.

He puts his cake next to the necklace and leaves with his wife and a bottle of champagne. No one’s here with me in the room. I don’t think twice and run to the disinfection-spray and lift it onto this stupid cake and necklace. Five seconds should be enough to get rid of both Arkady’s and the Grandmother’s microbioms! Well, I pray that Gabriel will benefit from what I just did.

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